I have been faced with many challenges. Sometimes I thought my life was over. Everything was hard until the next challenge would emerge. Sometimes challenges can be beautiful. Sometimes challenges can be hard. Sometimes challenges help us grow.
I figured losing my home at the age of 24 because of the economy-- was exactly that-- the economies fault. When in all retrospect--- it is mine. Mine for making choices that were not wise. Mine for spending money on other non-important things. Mine for making mistakes. Sometimes you have to learn that the hard things in life are just that-- hard. Sometimes I take things for granted. Time is often cut short.
My husband had one of the hardest jobs to have to do when we moved from our home into his parents'. Burying our furbaby Hercules was extremely hard and difficult, but something we saw coming for a very long time. He was a wonderful dog. But time is just not enough. He was buried in my in-laws back yard next to a really pretty tree. I'll be putting a stepping stone in his place. I'm sure many beautiful flowers will emerge from the ground in which he was buried.
And now onto some of the hardest news I have had to deal with thus far. My mother is gravely ill. She was diagnosed with advanced staged neck and throat cancer in August after a couple months of what looked like a golf ball sized knot in her neck. She started her Chemo treatments a day after my sons 2nd birthday. Her chemo treatment went well, and she reacted really good to the treatment. By the end of September she had gotten shingles and was in the hospital for a little while, until she was able to come home. She held Christopher for the first time in October. A few days later she went back into the hospital because she didn't feel well, but they sent her home with more pain medication. Friday my father called the ambulance to come and get her because she no longer could hold her head up, she was numb in both her left arm and leg. She is at Palmetto Richland Hospital in critical condition with a halo to keep her neck stabilized. Her cancer has spread from her neck, to her throat, to her lung, to her spine with it possibly spreading to more places. They have taken her off the chemotherapy. As they say "she's in Gods hands". The doctor called each one of us kids, and these past fews days have been the hardest. Knowing my mother has a short time left on this world is not something I would think about everyday, but now I do. I wake up wondering if I'll receive a phone call, or if she's improved or remained the same. Seeing her in the hospital bed, and squeezing her finger, telling her we all love her may have been the last words that she comprehended from me. I don't want her to suffer. But I am a selfish person--- and I don't want my mother to leave us yet. Christopher is just now old enough to hold a memory or two, and I want it to be of his "nana".
Tomorrow is my mom and dads 15th wedding anniversary. She told me something about a month ago I was to do, in the case she was unable to do so. I got on her facebook page this evening and wrote a message. This is what it said:
"Tomorrow is my 15th wedding anniversary to my loving husband Vern Morley Sr. I have been very sick lately, and before anything could happen that would impare my ability to write this message, I told my daughter to write it for me. I love you. With all my heart and with all my soul. These past 15 years have been the biggest, and best blessing of my life. Through thick and thin you have been by my side. I could never ask for a better husband, or for a better father to our Dolly. I love you. ♥"
She told me what to write, and so I did. I love you mom.
